Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
