i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
