And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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