dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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