I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
