Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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