Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is Oprah even human
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
