Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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