just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
