just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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