Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
