That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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