I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm like, not good at living.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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