And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
