u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
