ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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