i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
