Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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