The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
