He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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