Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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