bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
