Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
