so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
