chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
