we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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