hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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