I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
