he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
