wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
