I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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