I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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