Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
