Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
