Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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