i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
