If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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