My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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