ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Couch. On fire.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
