My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think my vagina is haunted
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
