Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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