I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
