Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
