Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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