I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
