oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
