Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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