I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
