I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dicks are not precious.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
