You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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