I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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