he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
