what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
