I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have post one night stand depression
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
