Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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