he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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