I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
