i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
