This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
