eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
