There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
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He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!