chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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