Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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