So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...