i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.