hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes