What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
