I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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