How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm experimenting with sincerity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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