just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
