If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
