why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
