he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
