Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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