Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
