well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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