i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
