I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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