is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
