In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
