Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
