Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
