just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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