When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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